Tornado Warnings and the Fear of Losing Internet: Day One, Part One

Let me set the scene. The sky is turning that weird greenish-gray color that makes you stop and wonder if you’re about to be cast in a low-budget apocalypse movie. We're still having a half-day of school but as soon as we get home we'll be awaiting the sirens to start blaring. Alerts are already lighting up phones like the 4th of July and we still have T-7ish hours until it's "Go Time!". And here I am—standing in my kitchen, holding a string cheese in one hand and a child’s not-at-all healthy or nutritious lunchbox in the other, thinking, “Do I really have time for this today?”

Apparently, yes. Yes, I do. I have to because I don't want a letter from the school to arrive in a few days regarding attendance, or lackthereof, so I'm getting my big's backpack ready allthewhile pep-talking myself for the 'tudes the high schoolers will have for having to come in today.

As I try to prep myself to create our designated “safe spot” (aka my bed which has somehow become the multipurpose panic room), I learned that no one, and I mean no one, takes tornado warnings seriously when you’re a mom. Everyone keeps saying or posting we need to prepare for the worst but they're not telling me HOW TO PREPARE! I am merely a girl, IDK how to prepare. Tell me what to do, in writing, as a checklist. I'm clueless. And HELPLESS. Give. Me. The. Steps! Tell me where to go, I'M BEGGING!

The toddler’s concern? The same as my big kid: IS MY TABLET FULLY CHARGED? Heaven forbid we entertain ourselves with tactile toys. Honestly, if the power goes out or we lose wifi, I may die. Literally and figuratively but mostly literally. Of course, my big's phone won't stay charged so it'll be dead immediately.

Meanwhile, I’m trying to create a checklist of the essentials—bottled water, flashlights, the emergency weather radio I definitely don’t know how to use—and all I can think is: “What if our roof gets sucked off?”

Things I Actually Prepped for the Storm:

• Golden Oreos and CheezIts (obviously)

• A few portable charges that are at 100%

• Portable hotspot (priorities)

• Clean undies (mine? someone else's? who knows.)

• Full tank of gas in case I need to outrun the 'nader.

Things I Should Have Packed:

• Flashlights/Batteries

• Noise-canceling headphones

• A clone of me to deal with the meltdown about the missing purple blankie

• Melatonin (just kidding… unless…)

  
  

Honestly, the storm outside has nothing on the emotional hurricane happening in my head right now. I don't know what to do, where to go, how to prep. I can't read a map or a radar and nobody will just come out and say "go to this town to get out of the path of the potential destruction." Use your words, folks.

But here’s the thing: we made it. No tornado. No flying cows. Just a whole lot of memories and a deepened appreciation for moms who keep it together when the world (and the kids) are falling apart.

So if you need me, I’ll be re-organizing our “storm prep kit” to include snacks for me and noise-canceling AirPods. And maybe hiding in the closet—not because of the weather, but just for five dang minutes of peace, because if we lose internet our lives will most certainly be over.

Stay safe, friends. And remember: you can survive anything with enough snacks, internet, and sarcasm. I'll be back once the storm passes with an update on our chaos.